My Totally Inaccurate Time-Stamped Play-by-Play of ONE MusicFest (2015 Edition)

Syd the Kyd of The Internet.

On Saturday, I trekked over to Lakewood Amphitheater to enjoy the 6th annual edition of ONE Musicfest. I had a jolly-good time. Kudos to Jason Carter, Maurice Lee and the rest of the crew for another fantastic event. *All images from ShoShot.com/One MusicFest*

3:15- Okay. I have to remember where I parked my car. Near the pole. Next to that very large pebble. Pole, Pebble. I should probably write this down.

3:30- I need an itinerary. Where is the Internet? No, literally, where is The Internet performing? I have no plan. I'm lost. I need a drink.

3:33-  Jack & Coke. Yay.

3:35- Ah, yes, the Hercules stage. I can't wait to see The Internet. I've literally listened to Ego Death daily since June.

3:45- The Internet is very bouncy. Was I that bouncy at their age? I can't recall ever being that bouncy.

3:47- Hmmm. Syd is struggling a little-lot with the vocals.  This Jack & Coke is yummy.

3:50- Patrick Paige is pretty nice.

3:53- So, Syd  says "Under Control" is about the band-- I can dig it. I so love this song. But you guys should seriously consider hiring some back up singers. One or two would be great.

3:54- Darn. Is half of my drink gone already? Seriously, cup?

4:15- Welp, The Internet has run out of time. I'm not as sad about that as I thought I'd be.

4:16- Yum. If I had a son, I'd seriously consider naming him Jack. Or Daniel.  

4;18-When is Scarface coming again? I really should look at the itinerary.

4:25-Hi, Random Guy. Cool shirt. So, Janelle and the crew are gonna be at the Zeus stage? Cool. I've seen them eleventy-billion times but they never get old. Especially Roman. Roman is THE BEST. His Radiohead-OK Computer/D'Angelo-Brown Sugar mash-up, OK Lady, is jelly jamming. Roman is the epitome of Jelly Jamming.  If Jelly Jamming had a jar, his face would be on the label. Why don't I go tell him that and stop talking to you? Okay, Random Guy. Point taken.

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Roman jamming.

4:45- Raekwon and Ghostface! How wonderful would it be if Andre and Big Boi showed up and joined Raekwon on the stage and did "Skew It On the Bar-B" and also "Royal Flush"? Wouldn't it be cool if Dre showed up wearing those overalls he wears every time he goes out now? I know that has nothing to do with what's happening here, like at all.

4;57- Ghost and Raekwon rock but I'm hungry. That line to get stir-fry is ridiculously long. Hey, there's only two people in the Bone Lick line!

4:50- Sheesh. I forgot how judgmental Progressive Black People can be about pork. Stop looking at me like that. It's just a pulled pork on a deliciously toasted bun, dude. Calm down—I'm from rural western Kansas. Still looking at me with the judge-y eyes, huh? BUT I DID YOGA YESTERDAY!

5:07- Back to the Zeus stage. Oh, Wale is still on? I remember that one time back in 2009 when I thought Wale had the potential to be a good rapper.

5:10- People like, really, really like Wale. Huh. I still think I'll sit just outside and watch people dance to Wale. This sandwich is good.

Wale.

5:20- Oh, cool! J.Carter is getting a plaque of some sort from some city councilman. J. has on his "I'm getting a plaque from a city councilman" smile. Nice.

5:27- Okay, Wondaland! Jidenna! I love him. I bet Jidenna has a '67 Cadillac that is gold and sparkly. I'd totally love to ride around southwest Atlanta with Jidenna and Jidenna's hair in his '67 sparkly, gold Cadillac. I love that Wondaland is making more accessible music without losing the dopeness that made them dope.

5:50- St. Beauty jams.

Jidenna.

6:10- Scarface comes on at 6:30. This will be the second time I've seen him this year but there is no way I'm missing Scarface. Sorry, Wondaland.

6:25- Oh, it's Big Krit! Hi, DiBiase! Big Krit jams pretty hard. Big Krit knows how to perform. I really like this guy.

6:30- My feet hurt and I'm not even wearing heels. Does this mean I'm old?

6:45- It's Eightball & MJG! Clearly I haven't seen MJG in a while because he cut his hair. He looks healthy and happy. BlackHaven! Orange Mound! MJG is still one of the most underrated rappers ever.

6:35- Wouldn't it be magical if they just busted out and did "Friend or Foe" for me? Or any song from On Top of the World or In My Lifetime? Not happening?  Okay. You're right.  I don't.want.drama. I understand.

MJG, Bun B and Eightball

6:45- Geez, you guys are done already? But where are you... hey, SCARFACE!

6:50-I wonder if Scarface knows he's my favorite rapper of all time. I wonder if Scarface knows he looks like a high school social studies teacher right now. I love this new slim, sweater-wearing Scarface. I love any Scarface. Even the Scarface who sits alone in four-cornered rooms staring at candles. FACEMOB!

6:53- "Mary!" I don't understand how people don't know this is one of the best hip-hop beats of all-time.

6:59- Um, hey, Face? Did you attend soundcheck? Because I feel like you may've missed it. You seem confused. You really should've brought your guitar, dude. I'm pretty sure no one knows you play the guitar.

7:00-Words can't explain how utterly jamming this new song with you and Z-Ro is, Scarface. Aw, man...you gotta go? You're just gonna leave in the middle of the son... Oh, hi Bun B! Uh, bye, Scarface?

7:25-  I love Bun B. He's so very cool. Dude barely blinks yet he's entertaining. I wonder if he'll dance like that one time he danced in Solange's "Lovers in the Parking Lot" video. That was cool. Bun B is the coolest. Okay, clearly he won't be dancing. Shoot.

Scarface and Raekwon.

8:00- I'm cold. Good thing I brought a sweater. Also, my feet still hurt for no real reason.

8:07- Yup. I'm officially old. I can't wait to sit my old bones down and watch the Roots in my comfy sweater. Hold on, The Roots are not at the Zeus Stage with the nice lawn where I can sit? Then who's at the Zeus Stage? A$AP Rocky? Okay, if I can think of one A$AP Rocky song, I'm walking over there.

8:08- ....

8:09-....

8:10- Yeah, I'll just be standing here until the Roots arrive.

8:30- The Roots are so jamming.  I so appreciate you, Black Thought. You're one of the only rappers I know who truly uses your voice like an instrument. That's so dope.

9:00- Later Questlove!  Back to the Zeus Stage.

9:30- Lauryn Hill! I really hope Lauryn Hill can stay on task. I still think she's genius and soulful and real.

Lauryn Hill.

9:37- Um. What's with all the hand signals though? I feel like I'm at a baseball game and she's the manager and her team is not listening. Her band clearly didn't get the hand signal memo. This can't be necessary.

9:42-I have to find my car before all of these people leave. So, love ya but gotta go, Lauryn. Was this parking lot this big when I arrived? I feel like it wasn't. Okay. I definitely remember where I parked. Next to the pebble and the pole.

9:55- Wait! Lauryn is singing "That Thing" and I'm missing it because I'm wandering around this gigantic parking lot. Where is that freaking pebble!?

10:02- Yessss! I've never been so happy to see a dirty Honda Civic in my life!

10:05- So long, One Musicfest— it was a blast! Can't wait til next year!